Hmm....

I have not been myself at all lately, and I am kind of seeing that today. I just want things to back to the way they were. I want my relationship with my ex to be how it was when we first got together, I want to be able to dress how I want and do what I want without people looking at me funny and judging me. I want to go back and fix my relationship with my biological dad, maybe express that I love him, even though he does not love me. This would of possibly made it where he would actually want to come around. I want to go back and see my grandma more, before she left us. This is what I regret the most, because now that she is gone, I cant not go over and just talk and I do hear "Put a coat on darling its cold" anymore. I wish she was here she would give me a big hug and tell me she loves me and everything will be ok. I want to go back and help my cousin so she wouldn't commit suicide, maybe my cousins would have there mom back and everything would of changed. I want to go back and help my friend Aaron through all his issues, so maybe he would not of got killed. Wow I can't believe that there are still so many things that I wish I would of done in life. To think this is just the beginning and there are losts more to come unfortunately.

LOST

I've been very stressed here lately and it's driving me insane. Especially school and my love life those are my two big-a-boos that I am having issues with. Ugh it's so frustrating...anyone else here super stressed? I feel like I'm going crazy and I'm the only one that feels this way at the moment.

But hey things are looking up like I had a great Friday night with my three best friends Maci, Tyler, and Kirstyn. Weiner Works was pretty awesome. However the car ride there and back was the best it was so open and everything. Then Walmart came around and I was caught looking at condoms and sex gel. What a way to end the night.

Then Saturday me, Tyler, Destini, and Robin went to the movies at midnight and seen Red Riding Hood it was very good and awesome and it was fun being the only four in the theater. The best part was when my cousin found out who the actual wolf was she freaked and jumped into her sit. Then we left there and went o Steak n' Shake and who got the bill for everyone? Thats right this kid right here did so it put a hole in my check book, but hey it cost to have a good time. So we got home at like 4:30 a.m and I got to sleep at 6 and woke up at 7 for work so safe to say work Sunday morning was not fun at all.

Then today in P.E we had a bet going in archery and Hunter's mom said she would give the person that shot the best $5.00 and guess who won that...yeah thats right that was me as well. So today is looking pretty dang good.

:( BURNED

I feel like everyone is out to get me all of a sudden it's a bad situation to be in trust me. I'm sorry for being a douche-bag to everyone I was being a douche-bag to. I feel pretty low for breaking some promises to a certain friend of mine. I hope this friend will forgive me, even though I am a complete idiot and I understand completely why she hates me. Well never-mind there is no hope of her forgiving me she wants nothing to do with me, well isn't this just freaking dandy.

I wish there was a way I could fix this and make everything right, like it was before when everything seemed fine. But, I have no idea what to do anymore I'm slowly losing hope not in you but in myself. You tell me to just leave you alone and that you hate me, but I just can't not like this anyways. I'm trying my hardest not to hurt you or make you mad at me, but everything I do seems to push you away even more. I guess this is just the story of my life and I should just skip all the chapters and go straight to the end, since this is the repeating pattern of my life.